Now, you may read this title and think to yourself, why
would someone write an incomplete guide to anything? Isn’t that a little bit of
an oxymoron? Yes, but I’ll tell you why the title: undoubtedly, when I get on
the subway again tomorrow morning, fighting with the other Stuyvesant Town
residents for the handful of spots on the L train, I will run into a dozen or
so people who are doing something to piss me off and wish I’d added it to my
guide. Unfortunately, that’s life in NYC. People can always find one hundred
ways to annoy you on public transportation. But if you follow this guide,
you’ll be a little less annoying on your morning commute.
Recognize you’re not
in more of a hurry than anyone else
I mention this pointer first because it is the one I fall
victim to most frequently. I just want to push past everyone and scream, “I’m
kind of in a hurry here!” But at 9am on a Monday morning, chances are good that
I’m not the only one rushing to work. Be patient with the slow walkers and
tourist gawkers. They all have somewhere to be and they’d like to be there
sooner rather than later.
Stay in your “lane”
I understand that some people are slow. I resent you for it,
but I understand your plight. However, if you’re going to meander your way down
into the subway, please don’t do so in the middle of the stairs with a hand on
both railings. Move to the right, the slow lane, and take up as little space as
possible. I’ll hate you less for being slow if you’re not in my way.
Look, I know that you don’t want to miss this train because
God knows when the next one will come, but if you don’t let me off first, there
won’t be any room for you. Before elbowing your way into that tiny space in the
middle of the car, take a step to the side and let people out. It’ll be an
easier process for everyone.
Share your seat
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| Bad -- Good |
There are many rules to the subway seats, but I’ll share
with you the most important. First, and probably most obvious, always give your
seat to pregnant women or the elderly. I know your feet are tired, but come on,
have some decency. Secondly, if you get on a packed train and a seat magically
opens up, leave it alone. The people who have been standing on that train long
before you deserve to rest their feet for a second. And lastly, be cognizant of
your belongings. If you have a clutch and someone comes on the train with bags
literally hanging off of them, let them sit. But, if you’re the one with a
plethora of bags, you still have to keep them to one seat. Put them on your
lap, under your feet, on your head, for all I care. It doesn’t matter who you
are, you get one seat. End of story.
Turn down/off your
volume
I turn off the volume even when I play Candy Crush, so I really don’t want to hear you playing it. Even if you’re wearing
headphones to listen to music or game sound, it still might be audible to
everyone in your car, so just keep it down. Not everyone likes your tunes as
much as you do, pal.
Consider a cab
I know, I know, cabs are expensive. Why spend $20 to get
somewhere when $2.50 will do just fine? But there is nothing worse than trying
to squeeze onto my train when I’m running late from work only to realize that
someone’s oversize suitcase is taking up a space I could have had. I grumble at
the tourists who slowly meander out of the open doors only to stop dead and
consult their map to figure out what train to take next. If you’ve got the
means, stop being so stingy. Just take a damn cab and get out of my way.
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| Credit: decibelmagazine.com |
Don’t be so cranky
This, again, is a little piece of advice I think I could be
a bit more cognizant of as well. I know that the seemingly endless morning
subway voyage may feel like the worst part of your day, but that doesn’t mean
you need to ruin everyone else’s day by pushing, shoving, cursing, or yelling.
Just take a deep breath and realize that everyone else is hating this
experience just as much as you are and we’re all trying to get from point A to
point B.
Next time you ride the subway, consider these etiquette
rules. Know of one I forgot? Mention it below! There are an infinite number of
ways to piss people off on the subway, so try to avoid as many as you can.
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